My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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