college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
