There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
