if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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