i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
