I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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