i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
