Don't make out with my wife yet
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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