he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
