Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize