no, he came in my armpit
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
