i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wear drunk well.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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