She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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