12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When are your genitals available?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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