he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
