the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
