I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
