I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
