i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
