I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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