He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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