I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
