so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
