So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
