So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
