You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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