my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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