I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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