Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
