So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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