he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
