I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
