I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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