I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was confusing and full of hummus
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
