I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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