Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
my liver is dry heaving
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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