at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When are your genitals available?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
