I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
