the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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