Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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