He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
