I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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