I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
