God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
