you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize