just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
