it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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