she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
