Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
