guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
