The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
