he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
