i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
