I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
