My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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