i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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