I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
