i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
