Sry I called you an 8
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
