Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
