Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
