I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
