i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
