Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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