how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
