Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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