dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
