I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
