How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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