Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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