why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
