Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
