No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
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