Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize