3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
