I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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