help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
