hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize