hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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