she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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