apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
